So, you have just spent the last month of your life binge-watching a series and you feel like there is a “Gossip Girl”-shaped hole in your soul. You are now left with the never-ending question of what to do with your life.
Instead of wandering around your house like a crazy person and mumbling incoherent things about how Serena and Nate should have ended up together, you should try to follow these few ideas. That is, if your brain can still remember how to read.
Cry a little– You have to flush out all of your feelings. Cry a little. Mourn the loss of the characters who have been there through all absurd hours of the day and night.
Stand up– That is, if you remember how to walk. Slowly now, stand up and try to remember how to move your legs. After sitting in bed for days, weeks, or even months on end, this may be difficult.
Go eat something green– Granted, I, too, love living off of pretzels and ice cream; however, they don’t do wonders on the digestive system or the thighs.
Reconnect with the outside world– Check your phone. Let your friends know you’re alive. Tell your mom you love her.
Cry some more– Now is around the time when your realize you have not received any texts from a significant other. Then you also realize that Chuck flew to Paris just to get Blair her favorite macaroons. This brings you back to “Gossip Girl”…
Go outside– This process requires walking to the door and actually opening it to go outside. Warning: the sun will burn. Wear SPF of at least 15.
Catch up on the news– You probably missed some people dying and some angry politicians.
Take a shower– You smell. No, really, you smell. Wash your hair.
Brush your hair– This could take hours. This could also be very rewarding. I once found 10 bobby pins and loose change in my curls.
If you find loose change, just cut it out– Trust me, there is no other option.
Catch up on One Direction– Last time I watched a series, one of them left the band.
Shower again– You still smell.
Breathe– The withdrawal symptoms are coming. Ice cream cravings will follow.
Take a walk– Test those limp noodles you call legs and take them for a walk outside. You will find that as you were clicking “next season”, the actual season has changed. Look, there are birds outside.
Sit down and cry– You just heard a car honk at you, which reminds you of a cab and then the city, which brings you to Carrie Bradshaw…WHO SHOULD HAVE ENDED UP WITH SEBASTIAN KYDD.
DO NOT STAND UP TOO FAST– The world will become fuzzy. This is dangerous.
Go back into bed and take a nap– You find that the days are longer without Netflix. Your bed is your only friend.
Give up and ask your friends for a series to watch– Preferably one with less than five seasons. Ease back into things.
If you are anything like me and other fellow Netflix addicts (yes it’s a real thing), you know all too well that this is a never-ending cycle of series. However, there comes a time when the next episode is loading and you can see your hollowed out face in the reflection of the screen and you start to wonder where your life is going. Please, stay strong. Go one week free from the hands of Netflix.
Netflix has accumulated 57.4 million subscribers since 2002. This is not counting those dreadful humans who hack other people’s accounts and mess up all their shows because they refuse to get their own. Stay away from these people at all costs.
In the US alone there are 39 million Netflix subscribers. (And yet there are people who have never watched “Gossip Girl”…what else are they doing with their lives?) The number of hours of Netflix watched in a month is estimated around one billion. BILLION! DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE COULD DO WITH ONE BILLION HOURS??????
Around 61 percent of Netflix users binge watch at least one whole show a week.
“I feel empty inside and I want to crawl into a hole,” says freshman and avid Netflixer Morgan Gelberg in regards to finishing a series.
Gelberg has such a strong Netflix game that she finished 13 episodes of “Orange is the New Black” in two school days. She also was able to watch two whole seasons of “Breaking Bad” in a weekend.
Alyssa Herrington, another Netflixer, enjoys binge-watching reality TV on Netflix and finished a whole show in a week.
“I feel lost when it’s over. What else is there to do with my life?” says Herrington.
After dedicating your whole life to Netflix, sometimes it is hard to get back to reality. If you take it slow and follow these suggestions, you will be able to successfully go almost three hours without starting a new series.
“Sometimes my mom thinks she lost me when really I am just in my room watching ‘American Horror Story’,” says Gelberg. “I need help remembering to go downstairs and tell my family I am alive.”
Netflix can eventually become an unhealthy obsession and consume your life and brain. That being said, what is the next series I should watch?