The following is a compiled list of baby name attempts and failures at diversity
by EMILY FODOR
20. Banjo- Rachel Griffiths and Andrew Taylor. The Brothers & Sisters actress and her husband supposedly named their child after an Australian poet; however, most people would see the name as a country instrument.
19. Bingham- Kate Hudson & Matt Bellhamy. The actress, who appeared in Something Borrowed, and the English musician named their child this “innovative” name which has the origin meaning “crib.” I guess their goal was “forever young” for this baby.
18. Apple- Chris Martin Gwyneth Paltrow. The English singer/songwriter and actress must’ve thought this name was fresh…literally. Nowadays, numbers, fruits and all kinds of items work as names. I hope they don’t find a worm in their baby!
17. Spike- Mike Myers & Kelly Tisdale. The actor/comedian/screenwriter and his wife Kelly might’ve mistaken their baby as a dog with this name. Although it may sound rough and tough, in reality this child will be mocked for the rest of his life. Hopefully, he’ll be sharp!
16. Tu Morrow- Robert Morrow. This actor who acted in the hit show Numb3rs thought he was clever in naming his daughter this corny name. For the rest of her life she can expect to hear the song in Annie screamed at her. Hope she enjoys being serenaded!
15. Colt- John Rich. As rugged and rough this is, I don’t believe it is acceptable to name a kid after a gun. For the sake of his future, I wouldn’t integrate such violence at such an early stage in life, but that’s just me.
14. Monroe and Morroccan- Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. Sure, we like the alliteration of this awesome twosome, however, the names are a bit out there. As long as they have sentimental meaning I guess it’s okay! (…)
13. Jermajesty- Jermaine Jackson. Going for your majesty of some sort? Unfortunately, neither of these people are of any royal ranking aside from court “jest”er. I rest my case.
12. Blue Ivy- Beyonce & Jay-z. As this name does relate to the R&B empire king and queen’s careers, it is out there. Kids are cruel, guys, Smurf may be your child’s first nickname. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
11. Kal-el- Nicholas Cage. This name is in reference to the name that Superboy was born with. Now I know all parents believe their children are superstars, but really?
10. Bronx Mowgli- Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz. As famous as it is to name your child after a city (Paris Hilton), I don’t see much elegance to Bronx. Mowgli, on the other hand, is a character in “The Jungle Book”. Maybe they’re going for the “young forever” aspect? I’m certain they can ask Blue Ivy’s parents for help in that category.
9. Diva Thin Muffin- Frank Zappa. As if there weren’t enough female pressures to be skinny! Newsflash: You can’t make your child a diva, thin, nor a muffin just by naming them!
8. Zuma Nesta Rock- Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale. As if being named after a beach isn’t bad enough, they must add “Nesta” to the name. If anyone has a clue to what this word means please contact us at falconers-voice.com
7. Pilot Inspektor- Jason Lee. With a name like pilot, this kid is taking a nose dive for the sand as soon as other people encounter him. Spellcheck: Inspector*
6. Zolton & Moxie Crimefighter- Penn Jillette. I appreciate our crimefighters just as much as the next one, but not as a middle name. Don’t even force me to address Zolton and Moxie…
5. Denim & Diezel- Toni Braxton. Once again, alliterations are always nice. Well, I guess these Braxtons will always be in high demand.
4. Sage Moonblood- Sylvester & Sasha Stallone. The famous actor who portrayed Rocky chose this name for his son. I think he must be confused as to who he married – Bella or Sasha? As the name strongly resembles a vampire name, this child is full human…and scarred for life.
3. Tagg- Mitt Romney. Price tag? Tag team? Freeze tag? Oh the wonders.
2. Satchel- Woody Allen & Mia Farrow, later changed to Ronan. IT’S NOT A MAN PURSE.
1. Peaches Honeyblossom, Fifi Trixibelle, & Little Pixie Geldof- Bob Geldof. This is just self-explanatory, however, the reasons behind them are not. Who is to blame? Drugs are my best guess.