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“Silly things the editor says”

This is how my peers refer to my comments^



   Okay, before I begin this article, I would just like to say that some things that are common knowledge to others just don’t appear in my brain.  It’s actually a disability and is believed to be connected with my multi-colored eye.  Therefore, refrain from laughing at and disparaging me. 

   My Journalism 2 class believes that all my issues are “first world problems.”  For example, when I was on my buffalo chicken salad kick, it was difficult for me to cut the chicken.  This unfortunate event was caused by the lack of real forks in the school cafeteria…or so I thought.  The designated spot for forks only had sporks.   It’s okay Waldo, I’m lost too.  As a result of this tragedy, I was forced to use a spork, which, as depressing as it was, actually bent as I stabbed it into my scrumptious chicken.  Minor issue?  I think not.

   My next mishap was mistaking the hometown of Beatles lead singer/writer, Paul McCartney.  Forgive me for confusing him with New Jersey-star Jon Bon Jovi.  They are basically the same in the eyes of the youth…kind of.  I cannot help that I was born with a natural feeling of misperception.  Nobody deserves the scrutiny of a four person journalism class, it’s just too much.

 Sophomore Sharon Chang, a fellow member of my journalism class, says, “No comment.”

  Another mind-boggling situation in my short-lived comedic career was not knowing where exactly the “top” of my iPad2 is.  In my defense, my iPad was standing up in the groove on its side.  So how was I expected to know where the top was if I didn’t know what position my iPad should have been in normally?  My teacher, Ms. Speizer, kept repeating “The top! The top!  The top, Patrick!”  This wise crack was in reference to Spongebob Squarepants explaining to Patrick where the “lid” was to the jar he was holding in one of the older episodes.  This specific situation was especially hurtful considering it prompted me to recall the catastrophic death of the voice of Spongebob.  I’m still mourning in secret…

   Therefore, I’m writing this article to defend my title of “The Chief” and guard my reputation as “the greatest editor-in-chief to walk planet Earth.”  Here is a link where you can side with me and support my cause in order to demand deference for all confused people in the world:

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