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“Me. I am Mariah”

As most of you know, my future-hit album will be dropping on May 27, 2014 for all of my millions and millions of fans to buy.

I finally dropped the breaking news on April 30, 2014. This date has a lot of sentimental value to me and my family because that is me and my ah-mazing and famous hubby’s wedding anniversary. That is also the date I gave birth to the most beautiful twins ever, mostly because of the wonderful genes they received from their parents.

My title for my album, “Me. I am Mariah…The Elusive Chanteuse”, has gotten a lot of people talking, but anything about me gets the world talking. The first part is from a self-portrait I drew of myself when I was younger, and that is what the little-me titled it. Who knew I was so creative at such a young age?

The second part simply describes me. Chanteuse means female singer in French, and I am hard to find. I also have so, so, so many famous songs. I am that hero that comes along for people.

A lot of people are saying that I dropped my album “Beyoncé-style,” but I really did not. I am clearly the real chanteuse, just like my album says I am. There is no need for me to copy someone when I am too “fab.” I just do my own thing.

I am pretty sure Beyoncé did not release her album with her first and only self-portrait like I did. I am one of a kind. When I hear comments like that, I just shake it off. This is a cause for celebration; I am not going to let nobody’s drama bother me.

I am super excited for all of my fans to listen to one of the best albums of the year.

One of my fans, freshman Megan Sgroi said, “I am a huge fan of Mariah and I seriously cannot wait until her new album drops. I hope it is as good as the others.”

It obviously will be because my work just keeps getting better and better. This is my 14th album, and I am not done yet.

My fans, of course, know I am not finished yet, just like freshman Taylor Wigger said, “I really hope that this is not going to be Mariah’s last album because I love her too much to stop hearing new songs from her.”

I do not mind my fans being obsessed with me. I mean, who isn’t? It is kind of weird when other male entertainers in the business get obsessed with me, though. I do not name names, I just make it glaringly obvious who it is about by pretending to be them in a music video. Will the real MC please step to the mic?

My album includes 15 songs that are as fabulous as me, and the deluxe album has 18 tracks.

Anyone who knows good music will buy this beautiful album. So come and get it if you are really feeling me.

Do you agree with the new student class officer election reform?

  1. Yes, it will help to ensure great leaders!

  2. No, our election system worked great before!

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ATTENTION: I am not really Mariah Carey, and the only thing I have in common with her is her name. Mariah, if you ever see this, please do not get upset. I will probably be the first one to buy your album and memorize the lyrics to every single song.


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